"Do We Have a Problem?" -Donna Berzatto

The sixth episode, titled "Fishes," from Season Two of The Bear, is one of my favorite episodes for exploring family dynamics.

The show begins with music in the background—specifically, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." For many of us, we cling to the hope that November and December will be filled with some of our very best moments of the year.

However, what I learned as a counselor during my first year practicing at a substance-abuse facility was that the large spike in admissions in January told a very different story. Since then, I have spent time in October, November, and December working with clients on how to best prepare for the upcoming family events that are weighing on their minds.

In "Fishes", we encounter family, extended family, friends, and business partners coming together for what is meant to be a beautiful meal over the holidays. However, we know by the opening scene that the Berzatto children are bracing themselves for the day to go wrong. What the show reveals up close and personal is isolation, avoidance, unawareness, despondency, people-pleasing, lying, control, guilt trips, sibling disagreements, depression, physical violence, stress, mocking, threats, nervousness, insecurity, overwhelm, overstimulation, abuse. misunderstood traditions, insensitivity, shame, inadequacy, bullying, anxiety, placating, hopelessness, drunkenness, addiction, destruction of property, and I’m sure that anyone else who watches it could notice a dozen other emotions and behaviors.

I was both proud and heartbroken when Sugar, the only daughter of the Berzatto family, after attempting to mitigate her mother’s drinking and verbal abuse, leaned into a non-relative and said, “Will you hug me?” She was so aware of what her body needed in that moment. My hope is that many of us will learn to ask for exactly what we need when life feels broken around us and in us.

Many of us won’t enter homes this holiday season without encountering a high degree of dysfunctional behavior. Many will face homes with tension, grief, triggers and emotional immaturity. Counseling can really help individuals figure out their personal boundaries and learn how to take care of themselves in ways they have not been able to before. A counselor can assist you in identifying appropriate boundaries, creating safety plans, and developing strategies for coping with triggers before they arise.

If you are walking into a home this holiday season and are surrounded by peace, love, understanding, acceptance, and clear communication, consider yourself fortunate. And consider opening your home to others who desperately need to see healthy relationships and strong family bonds.

And lastly, as the holiday season quickly approaches, you may find yourself needing to make a solid plan. Feel free to reach out to schedule a very solution-focused session on how to create the best plan and coping strategies for any upcoming holiday events that are causing you stress or worry. I know how busy and expensive the holiday season can be, but your mental health is a treasure.